-Idiot Teacher-
“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?” said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.”Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing [...]

-Hearing-
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is [...]

-Wedding-
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”
“Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life.” Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment,then said, ” So, [...]

Sardar and ducks
A sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an honorary game warden who didn’t like sardars.
The game warden ordered the sardar to show his hunting license, and the [...]

-Lost Wife-
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,”You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” she asks.
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.”

Share and Enjoy:

-Top Ten Things You Don’t Want To Hear During Surgery-
1 Don’t worry. I think it is sharp enough.
2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3 Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!
4 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
5 Hand me that…uh…that uh…..thingie
6 Better save that. We’ll need it for the [...]

Breaking Into the House
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the desk sergeant.
“No, no,no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying [...]

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian.
A MBA and a BCom go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the BCom wakes his MBA friend, “look up at the sky and tell me [...]

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here.”
The astonished Chinese man replied, “It [...]

A Husband comes from Church
He greeted his wife and lifted her up. He carried her around the house.
The wife was so surprised and she asked
“Did the pastor preach about being romantic”?
The husband said, “No, He said we must carry our burdens and sorrows.

Share and Enjoy:

DOCTOR
To address an emergency call a doctor came to see a rich patient at his home, who was screaming with extreme stomach pain and was surrounded by many anxious relatives. Doctor kicked all the relatives out of the room, closed the door with patient and he inside.
 
After a while he came out and asked, “Please [...]

Women and Men
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.
“No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.”
“I would dispute that,” answered a woman guest. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.”
“You’ll let it out some day,” the man insisted.
“I hardly [...]

Jokes Of Mr. Bean
1) BRAIN TUMOR:
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I’m dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
2) [...]

Some funny ways to propose
1. (Walk up behind girl and point fingers shaped like gun into her back)
You’re under arrest! ; (For what?) For stealing my heart
2. (Take a look at the tag on the girl’s shirt, jacket, etc.);
She would say ; What are doing & respond,
Oh, just checking to see if you were ‘made [...]

Once General Mushsharaf was taking George W. Bush around Islamabad to show how he had utilized the US funds. Along the route, the US Prez saw several people defecating on the roadside. Feeling very disturbed, he said to Mushsharaf, “I’ll give you more aid so that you can provide some toilets to these people”. Mushsharaf [...]

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
A woman was telling her friend, “I made my husband a millionaire.”
“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.
The woman replied, “A billionaire.”
A man, upon [...]

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
- Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- George Burns
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
After a quarrel, a wife said to [...]

How the company views its employees.
(HE VS SHE)

1. The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.
2. HIS desk is cluttered.
He’s obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
HER desk is cluttered.
She’s obviously a disorganized scatterbrain
3. HE is [...]

There was this case in the hospital’s Intensive care ward where
patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11a.m., regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths [...]

America & France (16+)
An American is having breakfast, in Paris, one morning (coffee, croissants,
bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits
down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts
a conversation.
Frenchman: “You American folk eat the whole bread??”
American (in a bad mood): “Of course.”
Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) “We don’t. [...]

NASA was interviewing professionals they were thinking of sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one-way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth.
The interviewer asked the first applicant, an American engineer,
how much he wanted to be paid for going.
“One million dollars,” the engineer [...]

A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police officer. The following exchange took place.
The man says, “What’s the problem, officer?”
Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.”
Man: “No sir, I was going 65.”
Wife: “Oh, Harry. You were going 80.” (The man gave his wife a [...]

What is Politics??
Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you’ll get a kick out of this.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is Politics?” Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of [...]

Here are five funny phone answering machine messages:

Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right…real slowly. So leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth [...]

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:
Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I [...]